Dear Sedalia Food Delivery Websites,

Hello.  Thank you for your service, even if... to be completely honest, I don't order food often.  I do it maybe once every other month. I'm just too cheap.  I'm the kind of person who would be happier to put a little something in the toaster oven for four bucks rather than pay some people to make me food and give it to me after I track their progress turn by turn on a map for seven minutes.

But I do it from time to time. And I've noticed a pattern.  Now, when I say this, keep in mind, I do NOT think this is the fault of the local stores.  I really think there's some kind of disconnect happening between the websites and the local stores.  I imagine there's a large, national site that's sending local orders to each store, and I think that's where the issue is coming in. Course, I could be wrong about that, wouldn't be the first time.

What's the issue?  Every time I order anything from say, Momma Jane's, Dice-imo's, Pizza Shanty, Pizzazzios, or even places like James Jonathan's or Happy Frying Pan (names protected for anonymity), they offer to let me leave notes and a little check mark to indicate whether I would like contactless delivery.

Every time I check that I would like contactless delivery, and every time I ask that the driver "Knock, please."

Yet, a good 8.5 out of 10 times, I get an annoyed driver standing on my porch for two to three minutes (happened again last night).  They've rung the doorbell and they're waiting for me to come to the door.  So clearly they didn't get the instruction to leave the stuff at the door and they didn't get the instruction to knock.

Now, side note, I ask them to knock for two reasons :

1. My Doorbell does not work.  I know I need to just go out to the store and get a dang replacement battery for the doorbell itself but I haven't done it. I replaced the battery for the part inside the house, I just need to replace the battery on the outdoor bell itself.  So if I'm not in the living room, I don't hear them coming.  So they just stand there waiting, assuming my door bell works.  I'm sure that annoys them, because they want to get to their next house.

2.  My cats go nuts when the doorbell DOES work.  Instant zoomies. And not just for a few minutes, a good half hour. I'd rather avoid that. I don't know how many times they've ran right into a door or knocked over a picture frame or tried to jump up on the table and set themselves on fire with my candles.  I even put up a nice little sign at eye level (right above the doorbell) asking them to "Knock Please!" with a little picture of blue haired Kim Taehyung next to it.  Yet every time, this happens.

Is this a huge deal? Not  really.  I'm not worried about getting sick myself (I've had both jabs and my booster) but it's still a possibility. And who knows, I could have some hyper new variant myself, I don't want to pass that on to some unsuspecting person just trying to pay the bills.  But really... it's more of a social anxiety thing. My home is a safe space. Once I'm in, I don't like leaving. I have a nice, Mennonite made wooden chair there on my porch. I'd rather you left it there, waved to me, and made our interaction minimal. I don't want the hard working guy driving the Tuesday night shift, putting himself through school judging me on my frumpy house pants, my frizzy unkempt hair, and my "stayin at home" shirt from 1998.

Again, I don't think this is the fault of the local store, because I've looked at the receipts.  They say nothing about contactless delivery nor do they show the notes. Of course they can't know, if nobody tells them.  So what is it, Delivery Websites? Why can't you let these people know I'm a loser that just wants some cheesy bread and to be left alone? I'll tip them, no big deal.  Just, you know, let them know, please.  Thanks.

Knockingly yours,

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