Now, You Need A Weird, Dirty Story About Sedalia Dudes In The 1800s

As you know, it's Christmas time. Which means lots of family will be here in town to join you for the festivities!

When I was young, it was the nineties.

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It was a strange time. Pete had a brother named Pete, people kept talking about Ross Perot, and Zima was really popular for some reason. And I was always that kid that was, you know, just a rat in a cage. Despite all my rage.

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So anyway, it meant I rolled my eyes all the time at dinners.  You'd always hear about how crazy things were today, and how America is going to heck in a handbasket.  How things weren't like this back in their day.

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Well.  If there are still some of you out there who are rat caging it, or if you just are done hearing these stories over and over again, here's a doozy of a story for you.  You might have seen this book around in your Grandma's house.

So I'm going to tell you a story.  This is documented in this very book, and took place in 1867.

THE STORY OF THE TIME OFFICIAL DUDES STRIPPED EACH OTHER NAKED

 Three prominent city officers, a United States officer and two well known lawyers met in the back room of a saloon to perfect arrangements for the celebration of the 4th of July the next day.

So these were some Big Time dudes.  Kinda sus that they waited until, you know, the DAY BEFORE  to plan out arrangements for the 4th of July, but okay.

After they perfected arrangements, they called for sherry cobblers, the temperature being torrid. They continued to call for this seductive combination until all were in a joyous and mischievous humor.

So they got drunk.  That's a nice way to put it, but they got drunk.  Soused. Three sheets to the wind. Inebriated. Wasted, bombed, plastered.  You get it.

One of the party, a lawyer of gigantic stature, wore a long linen duster, the tails of which hung in flowing drapery over each side of the seat of his chair. Another member of the party got behind him, caught the sweeping tails of the coat, gave a mighty jerk and split the garment entirely up the back.

I am telling you, this must be assault.  Can you imagine if someone did that at a City Council meeting today? I mean, I have no idea how expensive clothes were back in the day, but if you were there at an Official Meeting to discuss Official Business, you're not showing  up in your grubby normal clothes, right?  You've at least got your Good Pants on.  And some dude just comes up and rips up your nice threads?

The lawyer caught hold of his antagonist and after a hard struggle succeeded in tearing his friend's coat in shreds and tatters.

Drunken leaders tearing each other's clothes off.  At first, it doesn't sound too friendly.

By this time they all joined in the sport.

Sure.

They locked the doors of the room they were in and went at the work of retaliation with vengeance. They pulled and tugged at each other amidst shouts of laughter until there was not a man in the room who had a piece of clothes on him large enough to cover a three weeks old baby.

So basically, they're down to skivvies. Or whatever 1867 underwear looked like. I have to imagine that they pulled a lot of layers of clothing off, though, because back in the day you had their undershirts, then shirts, then vests, waist coat, sack coat, and who knows what else.

By this time all were covered with perspiration and desisted from their fun. They sent to Smith's cloth- ing store to have new suits sent down for each person. Within a few minutes a large dry goods box full of clothing was sent. Each man was soon arrayed in a new suit but the large lawyer could not find a shirt large enough and he had to content himself with a big standing collar and a brilliant cravat as a substitute.

Well, at least they all agreed to get dressed together? Maybe they got a good look at each other's man business and decided none of that needed to see the light of day.

The account of this incident (written in 1882) stated that if such men now engaged in such a rollicking frolic, the press would assault them and articles of impeachment would be filed; that in those days it was considered gigantic joke.

SEE?  EVEN IN 1882, they were like, "Time were funny back then, and today that would never fly".....

So, young people, if your elders start to give you grief about "Young People Today" and how you're all terrible, just go to Grandma's bookshelf and pull out this book.  The story is on page 35.  You can tell them all about how people have always been stupid and funny, even back in the Great Great ancestry times. And so far, we've all turned out kinda okay, and hey, can you pass the rolls?

Have a great Holiday, everyone!

Nakedly yours,
Behka