Guys, I know those of you with pets will feel me on this one.

Dear Kitten,

Hi. How's it going? Your stony silence speaks volumes. Here's the thing. Sit down. No, honey, not on the counter. Okay, your cat bed is fine. But stay awake.

Rebehka Cramer
Rebehka Cramer
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I know neither of us liked what happened this morning. You were ready for breakfast, and I had to force you to eat the two pills the doctor gave you. You didn't like it, and I hated it, and I can tell you're probably still mad at me. But......honey, I had to.

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Listen. You and I have been together through a lot. We've moved three times, been through a marriage and a divorce, unemployment, deaths in the family (RIP Washington the Cat) and you've been great at being an example of a Good Girl for the other two kitties in the house. And, I'll admit, there have been several times when you asked me to pet you, and I... I just didn't pet you enough. I'm not denying that you've been though a lot with me. And on some level, you're probably done with my nonsense.  You're probably sick and tired of the same flavor of pill pockets every morning.

But Here's the thing - I've also been through it with you a few times. You remember when you were a baby and we lived in that little apartment and you managed to get yourself stuck in the tree outside? Do you know how many times I've had to clean up your hairballs? Do you remember the time you got out of the kitchen transom window and I had to go door to door asking about you, WHEN YOU WERE UNDER THE FRONT PORCH HIDING THE ENTIRE TIME?

Rebehka Cramer Moreland
Rebehka Cramer
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Right. You were wrong there, hopefully you learned a little something. I had to learn a lot of things.

I know I'm asking a lot for your tiny little brain, but didn't you notice how hungry you were getting? How different it got over that six months or so? How no matter how much you ate, you were still hungry? You remember when you would run to the door every time I came home, demanding food NOW, because you were so hungry? You remember how skinny you got? You were eating three cans of cat food a day, honey. At one point you weighed less than the four month old babycat. Don't you remember how you would follow me around and insist on being in physical contact with me all the time, because you were so anxious? Remember how vocal and chatty you got, even though you'd never been that way before?

Rebehka Cramer
Rebehka Cramer
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You don't feel like that anymore, do you? No, you feel pretty good now. You remember, how we went to the Vet Man? We had to listen to that dog barking? We went and he took some blood from you, and you gave that Vet Tech that looks a lot like Jenny Slate the Business? NJ and I took you, and he gave us some medicine for you. And it's working! You can eat and get full. You gained some weight back*, the junk stopped coming out of your eyes, you've got more energy, and you ignore me like a regular cat does. Like you used to do. But honey, the reason you are feeling better is because we do this dance every morning. Because I try to trick you into eating a couple of pill pocket treats. We've been taking these for a little while now, and you've gotten into the routine. So why did you fight me this morning? Why wouldn't you eat your medicine, like a Good Girl? Please, you have to eat your medicine twice a day. Don't make me shove it into your mouth and close your little jaws again.

I didn't like it, you didn't like it. Let's just....not do it again, okay? Please. Just eat these expensive pills in the expensive pill pockets so I can keep you alive for another eight years or so. I'll give you lots of scritches if you do.

Sincerely yours,
Behka

*At her lowest, during this thyroid problem, that is, Kitten weighed about 3.4 lbs. She's now back up to a little over 6 lbs. I believe a healthy weight for her will be about 6.5 to 7 lbs. Yoonji, the four month old babycat, was 5 lbs at the time, for reference.

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