Finally, There’s A Better Term For This Shameless Conversation

I'm sure you've run across this person before. Heck, you might have BEEN this person and didn't realize it. Let's listen in on a fictional conversation happening around the watercooler right now.

Worker: Hey Bob, how are you?
Worker 2: Marty! I'm good, how are you?
Worker: Great, great. What'd you get up to this weekend?
Worker 2: Not much, just...
Worker: Well I had an amazing weekend. My buddy took me to the fight and we were ringside! And then afterwards we had dinner at this super fancy restaurant, and then....

You know what I mean. You know how you'll sometimes have a conversation with someone, and it's not really a conversation? It's almost like they're just....setting themselves up to speak? Well, in this instance, it's called boomerasking.

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No, it doesn't have anything to do with bombs or boomers. The idea is the person is trying to steer the conversation to themselves, and they do so like a boomerang.

So, Why Do We Do This?

Well, according to the Journal of Experimental Psychology, it's not very complicated.

.....conversationalists often balance multiple goals when speaking with others, which can lead to suboptimal behaviors that fall short of achieving their goals. Here, we examine two commonly held motives: to be responsive (to a partner) and to disclose (about oneself).

So basically, in conversation, the speaker either wants to disclose, which is a normal instinct when you want to talk about yourself. Or, they want to be responsive, which is to listen to someone speak and ask follow up questions, etc.

While it's not bad to talk about yourself, and yes, it's okay that you're excited about your weekend, Marty, the key is not to overtake.  The thing is, when you go into boomerasking, you're unfortunately telling your conversation partner that their part of this isn't important.  After all, if you ask someone a question, they expect their answer to matter, right? And you don't want someone important to you to think they don't matter.

How Do We Stop It?

Studyfinds notes that if you're a person who is boomerasking and didn't realize it, there's a quick way to fix it.

via GIPHY

If you’re trying to be a better conversationalist, remember these tips:

 

• Ask questions because you genuinely want to know the answer.
• Listen and follow up when someone responds.
• If you have something you’re excited to share, go ahead and say it. Don’t pretend it’s about them first.

Now I'm not saying that's going to fix all of your unwanted conversations, but... it could help?

Boomerly yours,

Behka