Hey, do you need something broken?  Give it to me!Do you want to hear random noises in the middle of the night?  I've got you covered!  Do you want to feel better about your personal grace and movements? I'm here for ya!

I swear, you guys.  I'm always doing stupid crap to hurt myself.  The other day, I was walking into the studio, the same studio I walk in every day, and I managed to bang my hand on the door.  The door didn't move. It was all me.

I got up the other night to go to the bathroom, and somehow managed to bang my foot on the side of the door frame.  I fell in my own kitchen the other day and somehow managed to bruise the heck out of my leg. My dad lives downstairs from me, and he said it sounded like a gunshot.

At least I know where those bruises came from. I get so many mystery bruises that I have NO IDEA about.  I'll do something, and I guess it doesn't hurt, but I bruise later. Husbando is always asking me "Where did you get that bruise?" and half the time I can't tell him because I didn't even know I had a bruise, much less when or where it happened.

And of course, the sleepwalking doesn't help.  If Husbando hears me get up, he's immediately on alert to see if I'm going to walk into a chair or a table or step on a cat or smack my head somewhere.  I can't help the sleepwalking, so at least I have an excuse there, but I don't have any excuse at work or after work, really.

So many times I will just drop something or snap things, or move my hand and somehow nearly knock my glasses off of my face. And whatever you do, don't hand me something delicate or valuable, because you're going to regret it.  It will be an absolute waste.  But hey, if you need something spilled, I've got you covered.

Whyyyyyyyyyy, you guys.  Is there a class in coordination I can take? Does anybody in your life deal with the Klutz Problem? How do you guys deal with it?

Clumsily yours,

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