I know and you know that you tend to hear the same five to ten Christmas songs everywhere you go, right?  Right.

And I'm sure while you love those songs... you can get a little tired of them.  Even if it's sung by ten different singers.... Santa Claus is still coming to town.  WE GET IT.  So, I thought we'd revisit my series of "Off Kilter Christmas Songs", pointing out a few holiday tunes that maybe are a little... different.  Or in this case, straight up comical!

I know, I Know. You guys are rolling your eyes at me. I've written about BTS about twenty gadrillion times, and you get it, I love them. I have done for about four years and some change now. BUT for some reason, I've never included them in my O.F.C songs! Well, gotta change that.

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This song for inclusion today is called "A Typical Trainee's Christmas."  It has everyone on it except for J-Hope, and it was released in January of 2013.  Now I know you probably don't know this, but to an eagle eyed observer, you would notice two strange things about that date.  One, it's... past Christmas.  Two, it's a good six months BEFORE BTS officially debuted (meaning their first official performances, record release, etc).  So yes, at this point, they were still trainees.   Unknowns.  Amateurs.

It wasn't unusual for them at the time to put out covers online or re-writes of other artist's songs.  This one is a re-working of a Kanye West song using a little Wham! Let's see just how they got into the Christmas spirit back in 2013.

Now if we look at these lyrics... well.  It's nothing but complaining, to be honest.  Hilarious complaining, but complaining.  It's not meant to be taken seriously, and if you get to know the group, you'll recognize a few of these grievances being repeated over the years!

Our boss was indifferent, even three years ago
We’ve never had the dinner outing that everyone else has....
But boss, we don’t want a solo victory
All we want is a dinner outing

In fact, the "we want the company to pay for a dinner" thing came up a few times, recurring jokes for the win.  Although sometimes you can tell they did really just want to eat some dang steak.


No girlfriend either because our debut is soon
Hah idols are getting married yet
Separating the male and female trainees? How does that make sense
We can’t love so how do we write love song lyrics
If it were up to me, I’d be encouraging dating

Aaah yes, what kind of Christmas song would it be if we can't.... complain about not having a date?  I guess.

Over here poop poop poop hey over there poop poop poop
This isn’t snow, it’s poop poop poop!
Look at the sky, it’s raining white poop
God really has no manners at all, none at all

You know.... I would just like to point out here that the young man who wrote that lyric has spoken before the United Nations, has over 200 songs registered with the Korea Music Copyright, met with President Biden, has an IQ of 148, campaigned globally for UNICEF, and received an order of cultural merit, which is one of the highest awards that can be granted to civilian in South Korea.  Goes to show ya, we were all kids once. Even poets complain about poopy heads sometimes.

Even my forever alone friend Myungsoo is going to a solo victory party
I want to rest on that day and at least hold a snowman’s hand
Our company, our boss – I don’t like any of you
I miss my mom

Remember, Order of Cultural Merit. I cut him some slack, though, he was all of maybe 17 at the time.   And you'll definitely have to take age into account with this next one, ha!

My name is Jeon Jungkook, my other name is maknae
Then I should be doing aegyo, as a 9th grader should
Boss, you’re the one who is in charge of Big Hit
Manager, even the other official is at home, sleeping
(Oh my god!) I’m going to cry if I can’t play
If I can’t, I’ll kneel down in front of the company door

Yes, like any other 13/14 year old kid, Jungkook is mad that he can't play video games at Christmas (Note: maknae means the youngest person in a group, and aegyo means acting cute).  If that ain't Christmas, I don't know what is.  Don't tell me your little niece or nephew isn't rolling their eyes at the table and sprinting off to play video games the minute dinner is done.

All in all, maybe not a typical Christmas song, but a Typical Trainee's Christmas!  See what I did there?  Of course you did.  I'll see myself out.

Poopily yours,

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Gallery Credit: Jennnifer Billock

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