So this past Friday, I took a day off work.  No big deal, just a little time with Husbando to run some errands. He needed shoes, stuff printed out, just normal stuff.  So we're just about done, and we pull into the print shop.  And there it was, in all its "I Didn't Know I Needed This, But I Definitely Do" glory.

The Beer Patrol.


If you can't read it, it says, "In God we trust, The Beer Patrol.  To ferment and serve."

It also has a designation of "Whiskey Neighborhood Watch".  It really looks like a kind of TJ Hooker kind of old school patrol car.  I didn't talk to the guys who were driving it, because I didn't want them to think I was being weird or judgey, but they seemed normal enough.  No Beer Patrol uniforms, just normal guys.

I can just imagine, though.  The scenarios that the Beer Patrol would need to intervene in order to bring JUSTICE. Russ knocked over someone's Natty Light  on the 4th of July?! Call the Beer Patrol!  Cindy only bought wine coolers for the pool party? Beer Patrol! Grandma has had quite enough of your hyjinks? BEER PATROL TO THE RESCUE.

I almost imagine them just sweeping in, Powdered Toast Man style. Like they just suddenly appear, deliver the goods, and then, like a flash...they're gone.  Off to the next barbecue that needs them.  They probably have quiet moments at the end of the day, where they sit and reflect on all the good they've done. All the lives they've touched.  And, well, all the beer.  At what cost? Because surely the Beer Patrol provides said beverages, but cannot consume them while on the job!  It's got to be a hard sacrifice to make, but they do it, because they made a Beer Oath.

I didn't take a picture of the other side, but the name Elwood is on the passenger side, and that makes me wonder if Jake is on the other side. Either way, I enjoyed the moment, and I'm sure it's all just in good fun. I bet they get a lot of attention for it when they go out.  And it's good to just have a little chuckle on a cold winter morning.

So thank you, Beer Patrol, for your service and sacrifice.

Edit to add: Turns out, they have a Facebook page!

Patrollingly yours,


More From Mix 92.3