What’s Killing Missourians Will….Probably Not Surprise You

Well, guys, not to get too morbid on you, but there have been some serious discussions lately around the old kitchen table.

Nothing too drastic, of course.  But you know how it is.  NJ and I have decided to work together to get healthier, so we can stick around for each other.  But it's hard to figure out what the best way to do that is. You hear about all sorts of new science and thought every day about what we should be doing to live a long, healthy life. Don't eat sugar, do some kind of exercise at every given free moment you have, and also never drive anywhere.

Then, you can....prolong the inevitable for a few more years.

via GIPHY

An economist out of the University of Notre Dame has found that death rates significantly increase the week after people get their paychecks. So don't enjoy that. The three causes of death that go up the most are substance abuse, accidents, and heart attacks. And that makes sense. You've got money, so if you're addicted to drugs or you're an alcoholic, you can now buy yourself a whole bunch of black tar heroin or moonshine.

via GIPHY

As for accidents, after people get paid they leave the house and actually DO THINGS. Some of those things are risky, like drinking. But even if they're not risky, just by leaving the house at night you increase your risk of a car accident. And for heart attacks, that can be tied back to the substance abuse or to more activity.

No, really. What is actually getting us in Missouri? Luckily, the CDC has the list.

Leading Causes of Death in Missouri

Chronic Lower Respiratory Diseases.

Chronic lower respiratory disease (CLRD) is defined by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) and the World Health Organization as encompassing 4 major diseases: chronic obstructive pulmonary disease (COPD), chronic bronchitis, emphysema, and asthma.

Accidents. 

COVID-19.

Cancer. 

And the number one killer of Missourians is........ Heart Disease. 

So don't eat meat, don't drive, never drink anything but water, and don't get paid, and you'll live forever!

Morbidly yours,
Behka